(Kinda?)Depressed Ciel x Depressed Suicidal Reader
by EchoSarena
Summary: Ok, um... I wrote this at midnight... Please don't hate me. Tw for self harm and depression.
( A/N this is just a feels rant so it shouldn't be good. I also wrote this in the middle of the night, on my phone. Please forgive me?)

She Will Be Loved

Beauty queen of only eighteen she  
Had some trouble with herself  
He was always there to help her, she  
Always belonged to someone else

Ciel had known (y/n) for years, even before his parents death, his disappearance, and her scandal. (y/n) had always seemed to be the embodiment of cheerfulness to Ciel, but he couldn't tell her how he truly felt. They were both engaged, and not to each other.

I drove for miles and miles and wound up  
At your door  
I've had you so many times but somehow I want more

As Ciel entered the mansion of Lady (y/n) (y/l/n), he felt something off. He had just been coming over so that he could spend time with you, and to surprise you for your birthday.

I don't mind spendin' everyday  
Out on your corner in the pourin' rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved, and she will be loved

Ciel had known that something was going on, but he hadn't predicted... this...

He hadn't known that you would go this far, but the blood on the floor... there was just so much blood...

And (y/n)'s fiance had done absolutely nothing...

If the note was to be believed...

Tap on my window, knock on my door, I  
Want to make you feel beautiful  
I know I tend to get so insecure  
It doesn't matter anymore

*flashback*

Ciel and (y/n) were little, not yet old enough to know the hardships of the world...

(y/n) had snuck out again to see him, and Ciel felt truly special. He knew his parents loved him, but this felt... different, somehow...

Ciel didn't mind when (y/n) came to visit, nor did she mind when he came. They knew every bit about each other, and they trusted each other implicitly.

*flashback end*

It's not always rainbows and butterflies  
It's compromise that moves us along yeah  
My heart is full, and my door's always open  
You can come anytime you want yeah

Back at the Phantomhive manor, Ciel comtemplated (y/n)'s unconscious form silently.

"Why?" He asked her. "You always seemed so happy. Was that all an act for my sake? Has this been going on for long? When did it start? When will it stop?" all these questions, but no one to answer them for him... the one who might be able to was lying here because of how blind he'd been. He was too blind to see what was right in front of him. He'd looked too hard, but he'd never seen enough.

I don't mind spendin' everyday  
Out on your corner in the pourin' rain  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved, and she will be loved  
And she will be loved, and she will be loved

When (y/n) finally awoke, she was surprised, then mad. She hadn't wanted to wake up, that was why she had written the note, why she had cut deeper than before. Once she looked around, however, she understood. Ciel had come to visit, something she should have expected... once she looked around a little more, however, she immediately saw Ciel, sitting over in a chair by her bedside, asleep. She sighed heavily, but then smiled gently and began to stroke Ciel lightly. He shifted a bit, but then moved toward her touch.

I know where you hide alone in your car  
Know all of the things that make you who you are  
I know that goodbye means nothing at all  
Comes back and makes me catch her every time she  
Falls

When Ciel awoke, (y/n) was awake and watching him quietly. He smiled too see her up, but his smile was clouded all too quickly. He looked at (y/n) with concern evident on his face, and said only one word.

"Why?"

(y/n) paused for a second before answering.

"I... I didn't feel like I was needed... you seemed like you were happy, and I was only going on because I wanted you to be happy. After the scandal, everyone in high society turned against me... You were the only one who didn't. Only you knew that it wasn't true, only you knew that I was framed. When you became truly happy, I didn't feel the need to go on. Life was just so... SO... hard... My parents... my family... even my servants turned against me... They all believed it... Every last one."

Yeah, tap on my window, knock on my door, I  
Want to make you feel beautiful

"You know that you can come to me at any time, right (y/n)? You can trust me with anything." said Ciel. "I won't judge you based on heresy, unlike those idiots."

I don't mind spendin' everyday  
Out on your corner in the pourin' rain oh  
Look for the girl with the broken smile  
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile  
And she will be loved, and she will be loved  
And she will be loved, and she will be loved

*Le magical time skip brought to you by Funtom Toys*

6 months later

Ciel sat, bewildered. He had thought that... but she said... He wiped away tears at (y/n)'s funeral. Ciel had thought that you had gotten better, thought that he had helped you be happy once more. Apparently he had been wrong, as he was sitting at the funeral.

Please don't try so hard to say good-bye  
I don't mind spendin' everyday, out on your corner in the pourin' rain  
Please don't try so hard to say good-bye

Once Earl Ciel Phantomhive returned to his manor, he brought out a box of blades, inspecting them as if looking for something. As if expecting them to answer his silent, unasked questions. He had never understood the lure of these things, but now that (y/n) was gone he thought that he might be able to.

(A/N wow! What did I just write... As you might be able to tell, I have too many feels and too much free time in the middle of the night when I should be sleeping because I have to get up early tomorrow. Oh well, who cares. I don't even know what I just wrote, but I hope that it isn't complete garbage when I look back at it in the morning. If you guys are curious, this story goes something like this.

1\. Lady (y/n) and Earl Phantomhive have a friendship that continues from early childhood on. Ciel falls in love.

2\. Lady (y/n) has some sort of scandal surrounding her, even though it isn't true. She starts self harming here.

3\. Ciel disappears, and the self harm gets worse.

4\. Ciel reappears, and Lady (y/n) is able to stop for a while. She starts again once the season for parties starts back up, as she must attend all of the parties and is scorned at all of them.

5\. Lady (y/n) attempts suicide. Ciel finds her bloody and finds the note that she left. He nurses her back to health.

6\. Lady (y/n) seems to be making a full recovery, but soon other nobles start to scorn her once again. She relapses and unintentionally cuts too deep, dieing because of it.

7\. Ciel starts to self harm after her funeral.

I know, this story is just super happy, right? Yea... this is what I think of at midnight. :p)


End file.
